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We will now discuss pickleball, because pickleball is the only thing that matters now. Pickleball, pickleball, pickleball. The Final Four, Opening Day, new NFL rules—none of it stands a chance against a good old racket-borne Tupperware fight. By media edict, I am required to mention pickleball at least 20 times per day, or there is a penalty, which is having to mention pickleball 40 times a day.

Any resistance is futile. On Sunday, April 2, former pickleball hater John McEnroe—“I think it sucks,”

Mac said last September—will compete against fellow tennis geezers Andre Agassi, Andy Roddick and Michael Chang in a tournament at a Florida casino with a purse of $1 million. 

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